Jan 25, 2008

Bombings, Our Daily Bread

It's not a matter of technology or mobiles. It's a matter of life. Life with a capital L. It's the matter of a country, of a population, starving for peace and tranquility. We are 4 million, 4 million persons who wake up each day, wondering whether a bomb will explode somewhere today, and trying to guess where it will happen, who will be targeted and whether we will be anywhere near it when it happens. 4 million people who thank God everyday that they got home safe and sound, and that no one they know was accidentally killed when an important politician or security responsible got murdered by a bomb attack. 4 million people who want to live, love, breathe, sleep, walk, run, dance, drink, eat, play, dream, talk, in peace. In PEACE of MIND. They have taken our dreams away... they have taken our love for this country... they have taken away everything we believe in, everything we want, everything we aspire to.

Who is "they"? I don't know, "they" is maybe one, maybe many. The matter of who is "they" is becoming practically irrelevant now, because the major question every single one of us is asking is "who will be next?". Apparently we would need the CSI instruments and expertize to solve the more than 10 bombing attacks that have happened since february 14th, 2005. Heh. I wonder how atrocious is the truth, that they won't let us know it.

Why am I being this depressed? Because if it wasn't mentioned on your local news today, a high lebanese security responsible was murdered today by an exploding bomb, less than 1km away from my house and less than 100m away from the road I usually take every morning and evening, because it happened at 10am in huge traffic jam, because I heard it when I was in the hospital and the glass windows shivered to the sound of the explosion, because for one hour I couldn't make a single phone call to make sure everyone was ok and tell my mom I was safe and sound, because a teacher of mine was 25m away when it exploded and her car engine couldn't start later on, if she was 10secs late she would've died, because they brought a burned body and some injured people to the hospital, because the pictures they showed on tv were too harsh that I almost threw up, because last time it happened my friend's father died (late Francois Hajj).

But mostly I am depressed to come back and see the flower shop near my house still open with valentine's day theme, the neighbor's child playing around the driveway and my mother cleaning the house. This isn't how it's supposed to be!!! The only proof that something went wrong today is on the TV stations, but well, time after time, even those are lessening their coverage of the explosions. I am depressed to see us go on, as if nothing happens. Depressed to see this has become such a ritual in our daily life, that it doesn't affect us more than 10 minutes, and then we're ready to move on. Depressed to see us accept it, without fighting, without demanding explanations. Depressed to see my country without a president for more than 2 months now, without people demanding elections or doing something about it.

Depressed because I no longer plan for the future years ahead, I just want to get home safe tomorrow. Depressed that I got one more proof that Lebanon doesn't belong to me, that I will never be able to grow old here, that I am once more driven to pack my bags and leave. Depressed because I want to love this country, this land, these people, so bad, and yet everytime I am close to believe in all of these again, I get shut away.

Depressed because Life is a god-given gift, and I shouldn't have to fight against humans to keep it.


  1. :( rabbena m3aki and with all Lebanon people..

  2. i'm sorry to hear that things are going so bad in lebanon. i hope this will change soon!
    btw, i love your honest and authentic posts in your blog. keep up the good work - and be sure your readers are with you during this hard times! *hug*

  3. The explosion is exactly on my daily way to work, and very close to my home too.

    Rita, I understand your depression, but remember that our parents lived through worst situations and had to go on with their lives. All what's happening now, reminds them of the previous wars and they know that all they can do it just go on.

    And don't give up on future planning, it's what keeps us going on.

  4. thats absolutely terrible i feel horrible for you. it's so sad that religion brings so much terror.

  5. Really sorry for what's happening in Lebanon!
    Lebanon was once the land of freedom and i dunno what happened to the minds of people!!!
    Just keep Living Strong, And keep loving your country cause it's a beautiful one and because it is not responsible for solo terrorist attacks by so called Lebanese while in fact they are not humans, and don't belong to the universe itself

  6. I'm not sure that I know how to respond. What you've experinced is so far from my frame of reference and at the same time that feeling is one that I have had and worked/lived with others who've lived on in the same way after going through major events.

    My only recourse is to pray; but I wish I could do more. No one should have to live where hope is just forgotten.

  7. Thank you guys for your support.

    Slim, the big difference between our situation now and the wars before is that everything is going on, like usual, and we're bound to keep up. If we don't, we miss on so many things. In the wars before, it was a "war" and everyone knew it. Now we don't know if it's war, or peace, or something in between. The state of instability is terrible and that's the most alarming part.

  8. you make a good point, I understand more what you mean; specially after what's happening on this night :s

    Nothing is clear if this is a war or a warning or who knows what else....
    Stay safe :)

  9. ain el remmeneh, ghannoum.
    it's like no man's land on the streets

  10. darn it, i live in ain el remmaneh, 3al mreyeh... if u have msn, add me, my hotmail is on the site, on the left bar


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